The Narwhal Incident

polar bear

One day, Oberon the polar bear was swimming in the Arctic ocean.  As Oberon was gliding along beneath the ice, he caught sight of a fin in the shadows.  Oberon had never seen a fin like this before.  He thought long and hard about what kind of creature this fin must belong to.

It finally occurred to him what it must be: “It HAS to be!  It MUST be!  It IS!  IT’S THE LOCH NESS MONSTER!”

Oberon was so excited that he leaped out of the water and began to tell everyone about his discovery.  Oberon knew the Loch Ness monster was rare, and he decided it needed protection.  So Oberon began to create a plan and he rallied the foxes and the rabbits to support his ideas about keeping the Loch Ness monster safe.

Meanwhile, another polar bear by the name of Arcadius was munching on an ice cube in the sun when suddenly something pointy protruded from the water and then splashed away just as quickly.  Arcadius had never seen anything like it.  He blinked and rubbed his eyes, squinting into the sunlight, unsure what to make of this strange new thing.  Then it dawned on him:  “THERE IS A UNICORN DROWNING IN THE OCEAN!”

Arcadius wasted no time.  He quickly sketched a petition and began to round up all the penguins and seals he could find to help him extract the drowning unicorn.

A few minutes later, Oberon arrived at the edge of the ice with the foxes and the rabbits while Arcadius gathered across the water with the penguins and seals.

“Oberon, what are you doing here?”  Arcadius shouted.

“I’m here to protect the Loch Ness monster,” cried Oberon, causing the penguins and the seals to snicker at such a ridiculous idea, “And what are you doing here, Arcadius?”

“We’re here to save a drowning unicorn,” Arcadius replied, to which the foxes and the rabbits laughed in scorn.

All at once the water began to tremble and up from below emerged a spindly white horn.

“There it is!  There it is!  The unicorn!”  Cried Arcadius .

The horn was followed by a great white mass flanked with fins.

“There it is!  There it is!  The Loch Ness monster!”  Shrieked Oberon.

The penguins and the seals looked at each other in confusion.

“This doesn’t look like a unicorn,”  Stated one bold penguin.

“Hush penguin, of course it does, don’t you see the horn?  We must put our plan into action before it drowns!”  Arcadius urged.

“Nonsense!” Roared Oberon, “Don’t you see this is no unicorn?”

But the foxes and the rabbits were also confused, and one courageous fox began to question, “Oberon, are you sure this is the Loch Ness?”  The polar bear growled at the fox, “Of course I’m sure, don’t you see the fins?  Now we must keep these terrible animals away, and set up boundaries of protection.”

“Save the unicorn!”  Arcadius and all the seals and penguins began to shout.

“Protect the Loch Ness!” Oberon and all the foxes and the rabbits shouted too.

Then, the creature in the water began to speak, “Actually, I’m a…”

But no one could hear what the creature said because the polar bears and the animals were too loud.

While everything was in an uproar, the brave little penguin and the courageous fox quietly slipped past the polar bears and approached the creature in the water.

“What are you?”  Asked the fox.

“I am a narwhal.”  Stated the creature.

“So, you are not the Loch Ness monster?”The fox queried.

“And you are not a unicorn?”  Wondered the penguin.

“No.  I’m neither of those things.  I am a narwhal.”  It repeated.

The penguin and the fox called for the arguing to cease and the polar bears listened with curiosity to what the penguin and the fox had to say.   Fox addressed the bears:

“Dear Oberon and sweet Arcadius, we’ve been mistaken!  This creature is neither a unicorn, NOR the Loch Ness.  It is a narwhal.”

The polar bears paused in silent contemplation, then burst into uproarious laughter.  Oberon shook his head in derision, “Silly small animals, what is a narwhal?!  Stop playing foolish games with us!  We have serious business to discuss.”  And the bears began to argue again about who was right and who was wrong.

To this day, the polar bears stubbornly refuse to believe in the existence of the narwhal.  This of course, is nonsense, because we met the narwhal ourselves, and we know it is real.  This story is our plan to gather the humans together and acknowledge the narwhal so we can finally have a civilized conversation about the whole thing.

Signed, the fox and the penguin.

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