Every once in a while, I question the life I find myself in.
Is the grass on this side really as green as it once looked? I entertain the idea to jump the fence just once, just so that I can know: Am I in the right place?
I am surrounded by “normal” people. People with real jobs. People with Kids. Dogs. Homes. Health insurance. Car payments. Stocks. Normal people who talk about normal things. work. School. Loans. Mortgages. iphones. money. Normal people with normal college degrees. They will raise normal children in normal schools, like normal people do, and they will drive cars that work right.
I am on the other side of the fence, where some of the sheep are black.
What do you do when you don’t fit anywhere? Take shape cubes for example. We played with them as children. The cubes have holes cut out to fit blocks in the shape of circles, squares and triangles.
What do you do when your society has only a few shapes and you are none of them?
You can’t eat grass you can’t get to. Still, I wish I could try. Their houses are so pretty. Their yards are so nice. Their bank accounts are so full. They are so… safe. I wonder what it would be like to have what they have. It’s not hard to want it. The allure of the American dream is enticing. But it isn’t my dream. It isn’t my side of the fence.
On this side of the fence, I may not have a nice house, a dog, a degree. But I have deep friendships and stamps in my passport. I may not have safety, but I will certainly have adventure. I may not carry insurance in my pocket, but I have incredible stories.
On this side of the fence, my children may not inherit much money from me, but they will inherit a history. I may not have predictable income, but I have a never changing God.
I have to ask myself, which side would I rather be on: The one that never fit? Or the one that fits perfectly? Here on my side of the fence, I found the stone from which I was cut. The reason I never fit there was because I was meant to be here. I live a different kind of life because I serve a different kind of God, and he made me a different kind of shape. He will place me where I fit. When I try to fit where I don’t belong, I’m missing the grass that is green.
Across all the fences there’s all kinds of sheep eating all kinds of grass.
But here, the grass is green. Because here, i’m the only one eating it. I think I’ll stay.